Green Funerals 101

The publication of our book Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully, has opened the world of green funerals to us. Although our book doesn’t advocate for green funerals, it depicts our sister-in-law's home death, the decision not to embalm, a family-arranged cremation, and a family-directed wake and funeral.

A green funeral is one in which no embalming takes place and a body is buried without any toxic material being introduced to the earth, such as that found in standard metal and hardwood coffins, concrete burial vaults, and marble headstones. A whole movement has sprung up in the past decade that advocates an environmentally friendly way of handling people’s remains.

Becky and I have become more and more interested in eco-burial for ourselves, although at this point she would prefer some type of cremation—for herself and for me. Luckily, an alternative to clame-based fossil-fuel intensive cremation now is available in Minnesota.

One of the best, most comprehensive articles I’ve read on environmentally-friendly funerals was a 2008 piece in Cincinnati CityBeat. It included interviews with mourners, ministers, and funeral directors. The journalist even considers the circumstances of gay and lesbian couples, something I haven’t seen in other reports on green funerals.

I’ve quoted two paragraphs below to give a taste. The second paragraph echoes my brother Bill Manahan's foreword in Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully: A Journey with Cancer and Beyond.

“Die the Way You Live: Befriending Death and Planning for the Inevitable” by Stephen Carter-Novotni

When local chiropractor Pamela Tickel´s husband Will passed away in 2006, she was convinced that he should be laid to rest in a way that honored their commitment to the environment and a natural lifestyle. Will, also a chiropractor, was buried without embalming or a vault at Ramsey Creek preserve in South Carolina, one of just a handful of green burial grounds in the U.S.

“When we had a home birth 25 years ago, people thought we were crazy, and now people are very accepting and interested,” Pamela says, explaining that even though green burial is foreign to most, her paradigm has shifted and contemporary burial practices seem odd to her now.

Nancy

The Next Step

Last year at the Midwest Independent Publishers Association Book Awards ceremony, Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully won first place in the Health category. After accepting our award in front of 300 publishers, booksellers, and authors and getting gold stickers for our books, Nancy and I were given the envelope of scoring sheets and comments from the judges. Our mouths dropped open when we read, "This book deserves a mainstream publisher and a national audience."

We hadn't considered going mainstream, but the judge's comment was a catalyst. We didn't do anything for a while, but then our friend Mary Treacy O'Keefe, author of Thin Places (also published by Beaver's Pond Press), started nudging us: Find an agent! You need to get to a big publisher! Find an agent! Call Larry Dossey and ask him who his agent is!

Eventually we contacted Larry Dossey, M.D., who had already written a beautiful blurb for our back cover, and he recommended a literary agent in northern California --Barbara Deal, owner of Literary Associates. Although she wasn't taking on any new projects, once she read Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully, she agreed to take us on.

We've been waiting out the economic crisis, but now that publishers are again buying manuscripts, Barbara thinks the time is right. So we wrote a book proposal for her to present to publishing houses. By the time we finished this 30-page description of our book, the market, the competition, and our passion for sharing Diane's story, even WE were impressed!

Last week, ten packets went out to ten publishers. If one of them likes the book, there could be a revised, expanded edition published by this time next year. We're keeping our fingers crossed. We hope that Diane's inspiring story can take the next step in reaching a much wider audience!

Nancy in a Pulpit

One of the last places I expected to find myself was behind a raised pulpit, looking out over a congregation. I had been sitting in the sanctuary during the prayers and hymns. Now I stood for my sermon. Yes, my sermon.

I left the Catholic church when I was 21 and haven’t attended any denomination’s services except for an occasional wedding or funeral. I have something like an allergic reaponsevto church services. Had I actually agreed to speak at Birmingham Unitarian Church in Michigan?

Thankfully, sitting behind me, waiting to take her turn in the pulpit, was our friend and church member Susie Symons. Susie, featured in Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully, had made the arrangements, and would deliver her half of the sermon next.

The week before, at Hospice Volunteer Services of Vermont. I felt comfortable, articulate, even inspired. Afterwards, as we gathered up the few books we didn’t sell, I told Becky, “This was so enjoyable we really ought to give more presentations.”

But in front of the Unitarians my inspiration vanished. I felt shaken in a way I don’t normally before an audience. I opened my mouth and out came a croak. I cleared my throat, coughed, and finally managed a hoarse sentence. I plunged forward, gaining confidence. But three minutes into my remarks, I remembered that this was NOT the moment for my sermon. I was supposed to have read a poem first. Only after Susie had read a second poem, was my sermon to begin.

At my chagrined glance, Susie waved for me to continue. When I finished, she stepped to the pulpit and shared both her poem and the story of Diane’s impact on her. Susie, who had confided how nerve-wracking public speaking was for her, gave the most eloquent, beautiful sermon.

In the social hall after the service, church members were warm, gracious, and generous in the personal experiences they shared with Becky and me and in the number of our books they bought. Then Susie and her husband John Glick (a world-famous potter who made ceramic containers for Diane's ashes) took us home for a fabulous Italian lunch, never once mentioning my rattled performance. John took the above photo of Becky, Susie, and me in their back yard. True friends, pictured here.

Nancy

Alison's Gift

When my sister-in-law had terminal-stage breast cancer, she and my brother read a book that changed their lives.

Alison’s Gift is the true story of a seven-year old killed by an air bag in a slow-speed collision. Her mother, Beth Knox, knew that when Alison was disconnected from life-support, she did not want a mortician to take charge. She wanted to bring Alison home, continue caring for her, share her grief, and give Alison’s brothers, grandparents, and friends time to say goodbye.

The hospital said it could not release Alison to her mother’s care. They eventually allowed an undertaker to transport the body home. As Beth learned later, the hospital was wrong; she had the legal right to take Alison home in the van in which she had driven her daughter to school each day.

For the next three days, Alison lay on her own bed. Friends and family members talked and sang to her, prayed and meditated, or just sat quietly, saying goodbye. Several of Alison’s Waldorf School classmates came, and even though some parents were apprehensive about letting them see a body, the children seemed quite comfortable. Spending time with their friend, far from being frightening or creepy, allowed them so experience death as a real and normal part of life.

As a result of this experience, Beth founded Crossings: Caring for Our Own at Death, a national non-profit educational organization. In workshops around the country, she teaches people how to care for a body at home, choose a final resting place, and understand the applicable laws in each state. (For a 3-minute Frontline You Tube story on home funerals featuring Beth Knox, click here.)

Just as the home birth movement has given families more control over birth, the home death movement, which Beth helped found, encourages families to take more control over the other big transition, returning death care to its rightful place as a last sacred family act of love.

My brother and sister-in-law, Bill and Diane Manahan, liked this idea. They ordered a home funeral kit from Crossings. In addition to instructions for after-death care, the kit contained essential oil of lavender for washing the body, a length of white silk cloth to drape over it, and candles. (Although this kit is no longer sold, a Handbook for Home Funeral Care is available for purchase or as a free pdf download at http://www.crossings.com/.)

My spouse Becky Bohan and I were with Diane when she died. I helped bathe and dress her body, hold a vigil, accompany her body to the crematorium, and bring her ashes back home for her life celebration three days later. Becky had a mystical experience at the moment of Diane's death and a joyful visit from Diane several hours later. These profound experiences led us to write Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully: A Journey with Cancer and Beyond, which has won six regional and national book awards and affected readers in ways similar to the impact Alison’s Gift had on our family.

Last month, when Becky and I were in Maryland, we spent an afternoon with Alison's mother. We liked Beth Knox immensely. She is an ideal home funeral educator -- warm, practical, visionary, and passionate about the environment. She told us about the remarkable deaths last year of her mother and her husband’s father, who died peacefully at home, and who requested and received a home funeral.

Following Beth’s lead, our local Minnesota Threshold Network offered a free public information session on home deaths and green, eco-friendly burials in Minneapolis this month. Resources, including Alison’s Gift, were available.

If readers of this blog know of someone who is interested in caring for their own at death, please extend an invitation to read this inspiring book, join the Crossings listserv, and learn from the experiences of Alison and her extraordinary mother.

Nancy

On the Move!

A literary agent has agreed to represent Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully to mainstream publishers. We are honored and thrilled by her belief that Diane's story deserves a larger publisher and a national audience. She advises waiting a few months until the economy starts to move in a positive direction before making any moves. Like most businesses, publishers are hunkering down right now.

Meanwhile, we continue to promote the book. We recently shipped a boxful (52 count) to Michigan psychotherapist Susie Symons, whose story about after-death communication with Diane appears in Chapter 19 of Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully. She will give the book to friends and patients as appropriate. We are grateful for Susie's continuing support.

Nancy has been on the phone and emailing up a storm trying to set up presentations in the Washington, D.C. area for our visit in April and early May. Thanks for Bill, we have arranged with the American Holistic Medical Association to deliver books to their spring conference at the Association for Research and Enlightenment (A.R.E.) center in Virginia Beach, home of the Edgar Cayce Institute. We are excited to get Diane's story into the hands of integrative physicians and people interested in metaphysical studies. The huge A.R.E. Bookstore has agreed to carry Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully.

Our application for a booth was accepted by the Bloomington Art Center's annual Writers' Festival and Book Fair on March 21 from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. The festival will have lots of authors, books, and workshops. It's a chance for the public to meet and talk to authors and to get signed copies at a good price. We look forward to being there and doing a ten-minute reading. You are all invited!

Book News

A year ago when we reprinted Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully: A Journey with Cancer, we decided to print an extra thousand copies to give away to hospices, cancer centers, and other groups that seemed appropriate. (Thanks, Carolyn Miller, our friend who put the idea into our heads!!) We have been rather slow to get books out, but late this fall we have really stepped up our activities.

In November we gave 350 books to participants of the Positive Aging conference at the University of Minnesota and sponsored by the Center for Spirituality and Healing. The next day we delivered 200 books to the U of M Women’s Health Center and the U of M Breast Center.

Three days before we left for Mexico, we realized that instead of sending just flyers to the Evidence-Based Complementary Cancer Care Conference in Florida to be held in January, we could send the actual books! Rather than pack our bags for Mexico, we stuffed and attached labels to 260 books, packed them up, and hauled them to the Post Office.

It feels very satisfying to be able to put Diane's story into the hands of people who might not otherwise see the book.

We are not, however, giving up on sales!

We have joined five other writers from Beaver’s Pond Press who sell books at various venues. Dubbed “The Color of Authors,” we’re an eclectic bunch, spanning the range of award-winning mysteries, body/mind/spirit , health, and children’s books. (Pictured left are Anne Pritchard, Becky, Nancy, Marilyn Jax, Frank Silva, and Colleen Baldrica. Not pictured is Lynne Eldridge.)

On Saturday, December 6, the day before we left for Mexico, we spent the afternoon at Buon Giorno, an Italian restaurant and wine bar in Mendota Heights. We loved being surrounded by bottles of fine vino from Italy and we even did a little tasting.

“The Color of Authors” is carrying on without us (but displaying our books) while we are gone. We look forward to rejoining them in February.

Becky & Nancy

WOW!

Nancy & I are settling into being back home in Minneapolis. It feels luxurious to have the summer stretching out before us with no big commitments. Except for local events around Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully (like last week’s workshop for 100 Metro Area Hospice volunteers), we’re hanging up our book-touring shoes. We may go camping at Minnesota state parks, but mostly we’ll be home at the keyboard, in a hammock or on long, leisurely walks and bike rides along Minnehaha Creek and the Mississippi River. Life is sweet.

In looking over the entries of the past months, we realize that we’ve strayed from one purpose of this blog—news about what’s happening with the book. Sales of Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully: A Journey with Cancer and Beyond are slow but steady. We’ve been receiving a monthly check from our publisher for between $50 and $300.

More importantly, the book has won a number of awards this spring, including USA Book News Best Books of 2007, an Eric Hoffer Award, and a Midwest Independent Publishing Best Books Award.

But the award that might have pleased Diane Manahan the most is the WOW—Women on Writing—Award for Best Women’s Literature of 2008. Given that Diane was a champion of women and a writer herself, we think she would be thrilled by this recognition.

In addition to a $100 stipend, The WOW Award also included a gift pack. Nancy and I each received a pink tote bag with a baseball cap, a timer for writing exercises, and a shirt that say “Not now, I’m writing!” We love WOW’s whimsical website, devoted to the encouragement of women writers. Many thanks to Angela, Monica, and the others at WOW for the good work they do. It is important to hear women speaking in our own voices—in print, on television, in movies and politics, and on the Internet. Write on, sisters!!!

Green Funerals 101

The publication of Diane’s book has opened the world of green funerals to us. Although our book doesn’t discuss green funerals, it does show a home death, the decision not to embalm, a family-arranged cremation, and a family-directed funeral.

A green funeral is one in which no embalming takes place and a body is buried without any toxic material being introduced to the earth, such as that found in standard coffins. A whole movement has sprung up in the past decade that advocates an environmentally friendly way of handling people’s remains.

I have become more and more interested in this type of burial for myself. Becky is not there yet, and has told me that she would prefer cremation—both her own and mine! I will bow to her wishes, of course, if I precede her in death (she doesn’t want to think of my body decaying in the earth). If I go second, well, I’ll see.

One of the best, most comprehensive articles I’ve read on environmentally-friendly funerals was posted 1/16/2008 in the on-line Cincinnati CityBeat. It includes interviews with mourners, ministers, and funeral directors. The journalist even considers the circumstances of gay and lesbian couples, something I haven’t seen in other reports on green funerals.

I’ve quoted two paragraphs below to give you taste. The second paragraph echoes my brother Bill Manahan's foreword in Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully: A Journey with Cancer and Beyond.

Nancy

“Die the Way You Live: Befriending Death and Planning for the Inevitable” by Stephen Carter-Novotni

When local chiropractor Pamela Tickel´s husband Will passed away in 2006, she was convinced that he should be laid to rest in a way that honored their commitment to the environment and a natural lifestyle. Will, also a chiropractor, was buried without embalming or a vault at Ramsey Creek preserve in South Carolina, one of just a handful of green burial grounds in the U.S.

“When we had a home birth 25 years ago, people thought we were crazy, and now people are very accepting and interested,” Pamela says, explaining that even though green burial is foreign to most, her paradigm has shifted and contemporary burial practices seem odd to her now.

For the full article, click here.

"A Deep, Deep Breath"

We recently received an email we'd like to share with you. Sarah has given us permission to quote excerpts. Her response reaffirms the hopes that Nancy & I have for the book.

A few days ago a dear friend of mine handed me a copy of Living Consciously, Dying Gracefully: A Journey with Cancer and Beyond and said, "This might be helpful to you right now." Now that I've finished your book, I have to say that her words are an understatement.

I can't begin to tell you what an absolute blessing it is. My mom was diagnosed with appendiceal cancer in March and has had surgery, chemo treatment and now after only 6 weeks in remission, the cancer has returned. Our family has always been open to holistic healing, alternative medicine, and spiritual health, and to hear how Diane chose to live with her cancer brings me such encouragement and peace. This is exactly what I want my mom to know -- that she can choose how she wants to continue.

I'm so filled with gratitude for this book that I can't even begin to verbalize all the ways that it impacts me. Reading it was like taking a deep, deep breath. For the first time I feel like this entire experience is going to be exactly how it is supposed to be. My fears are slowly fading and being replaced by feelings of peace. And for that I am utterly grateful to both of you, to Diane, and to your entire family for being willing to share this experience.

In gratitude,
Sarah Fisher

Thank you, Sarah. Your words are an inspiration to us to continue our work!

Becky